The distress tolerance skills are a set of tools that will help you manage intense emotional states without doing anything destructive.
Be aware that these skills will not necessarily wash away the emotional pain you are feeling or even make you feel less distressed. Instead, the goal of these skills is to prevent you from doing something that will make the situation worse.
These skills are best used when you are faced with a situation that you can’t fix—there are many events in our life that we can’t change, but that cause tremendous pain. In those situations, distress tolerance skills can be critically important.
Many people with BPD have problems with substance abuse, alcohol abuse, spending, reckless driving, physical violence, and impulsive sex.
In many cases, all of these impulsive behaviours are preceded by strong emotions. Here’s how this works:
You have a strong emotion that is triggered by some event (e.g., rejection by a loved one.)
You feel and believe that the emotion is intolerable (e.g., “I cannot stand this feeling.”)
You engage in an impulsive behaviour in order to reduce the seemingly intolerable emotion (e.g., drink alcohol).
The behaviour is reinforced because it works in the short term (e.g., you feel better temporarily).
Wise Mind ACCEPTS
A Activities (see distraction ideas below)
C Contributing – helping others
C Comparisons – comparing self with (better) self
E Emotions – generate different emotions by watching movie/tv, listening to music etc
P Pushing away – thinking about or putting our attention onto something else
T Thoughts - new thoughts. E.g. counting, playing 10 (10 colours in room, 10 musical instruments, 10 fruits, 10 Bond films etc)
S Sensations – use seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching senses
DISTRACTION IDEAS
Distraction helps us feel better by diverting our attention away from the distressing thoughts. It works even better if you choose something that will really grab your attention and keep you absorbed in that activity. Different things work for different people.
Home and garden
Mow the lawn
Clean the car
Do some gardening
De-clutter a room or part of a room
Purge your wardrobe (give to charity)
Clear out the spare room (give to charity)
Leisure
Do a crossword or Sudoku
Try out aromatherapy or reflexology
Visit the hairdresser – try a new style or colour
Watch television or a DVD
Play on the computer
Surf the internet
Going out
Join a leisure centre or health suite
Go for a walk or jog
Get the old cycle out!
Visit a new church
Go to the library
Visit a museum
Check out what movies are on
Go to a concert
Browse an antiques or charity shop
Find out what free classes are on offer
Potter around window shopping
Go out for lunch
Go to the beach – whatever the weather!
Learn to drive, or take a trial lesson
Being creative
Take up a new hobby
Learn another language
Start an evening class
Write a letter or article for a magazine
Learn to meditate, do yoga or tai chi
Start a diary or journal
Write a short story or poem
Take up a musical instrument
Decorate a room, or a piece of furniture
Paint, draw, sculpt
Join a dance class
Express yourself physically
Bang a drum!
Scream, shout or sing loudly!
Rip up a phone book or newspaper
Dance energetically to loud music
Write – prose, poem, story, music, journal, diary, weblog, whatever comes into your head
Write a letter to someone, but don’t send it – shred or burn it outside
Run, walk, cycle, swim, go to the gym
Paint
Vacuum enthusiastically